The Trauma of the Maternity Section!

Hello,

So, being my first chance to blog now that my dog has gone for a run and my wife is with her, I thought it a good time to tell you all about our fat clothes shopping.  There seems to be an overwhelming need to keep buying larger bras.  The problem with this is Mo keeps buying for today and not tomorrow.  As her boobies keep getting bigger, (to which I personally can't complain about) nothing seems to fit.  We go every week for which has now become the bra of the week sale.  Last weeks bra just not cutting it, we hop in the car and head to Khols, the bra mecca of Gilbert.  After observing some of the other pregnant ladies while she skirts around the sexy undies, she moves in when no one sees her, quickly checking the models that the other preggos are looking at.  When another one comes in, she scuttles away like a roach in a flashlight.  Her size has become a guessing game, " I was this last week, but I think I might be this, but that seems tight so maybe this, but I am not that big, and I don't like the straps on that, but this is comfortable but just doesn't seem right,"  seems to be the average discussion when we first start.  Then it turns into a frantic search for what seems to be the mythical Golden Bra of Troy , sold by some lady hidden away in the bra racks, who, from mythology, has a bandanna on her head, a glass eye and only four teeth.  After finding the wrong bra lady, and receiving this weeks close but not so golden bra, we head to me maternity section for a fly by.

Now the maternity section for a new mom seems to be some sort of kryptonite as far as I can tell.  Not willing to admit that her butt is that big, and the impression of her waistband on her stomach is just a sign that she is a little gassy, (which is now an understatement) she will keep walking by.  The excuses are numerous for why she will not enter the maternity section, ranging from " I need to eat or I will kill you," which is no joke and should be taken very seriously, to, "They just seem to have such a small selection."  Now the appropriate response to the second example is not "All the pants are spandex, how many varieties do you need."  This response will get you three things:
#1 You will get hit in the store, and I do mean hit. Closed fist to the stomach hit.
#2 She will order all her clothes from an online store, and return them all because it looked better in the picture
#3 She will tell all her other preggo friends, and random pregnant ladies she meets how insensitive you are and you WILL get assaulted at your car by a mob of rotund muggers in sports bras and spandex pants all beating you with their new bras from Khols.
Now if number three happens your only saving grace is that most pregnant ladies are slow and run out of breath fairly quick, so a quick sprint should get you away with minimal beatings.
As for Mo, she finally made it into the maternity section and after running away with a look of terror on her face, we did manage to find two pairs of pants that were acceptable.  (She wears them a lot and loves them!) We also managed to find a pair of shorts that "Weren't that bad", so it is definitely a start! 


I will check back in when it is safe,

Jared